Relationship/marriage <---What are they?

Discussions General
#1

I know, I know…some of you might think why another relationship topic posted by me again! You guys must be thinking that I am anti-relationship. (I am not really!) It just happened to freinds around me, i thought I will raise it here to get a few opinion.

I met up with three of my girl friends today. They all have relationship problems/dilemmas. They seek for my advice. (god knows why
??!!) I didn’t know how to respond to them, really. :S

Okay, let’s start with Miss A, she has been with her bf for 3 months, her bf …(how should i put it…) is different. He is an IT engineer and my friend works in the hotel as a guest relation officer. This bf of hers keeps telling her that her job is worthless. And he warns her everytime that she should not dispose her occupation to his friends if she bumped into them. He said that he is ashame of her occupation. (What is wrong with being GRO? If i were her i would stick my middle finger at him and ask him to f off!!!)

Ahem! Back to my friend. The most ridiculous thing is that she obeys him and keeps quiet about his behaviour towards her job! Come on, i honestly do not see any problems or whatsoever. Oh, they rarely go out on a date because this so called bf of her thinks it is cheaper to stay home, cook at home, and rent movie to watch at home. So they rarely go out at all. Grrr… oH! He even aked her to put on make up because she looks ugly!

Miss B, she has been with her bf for a few years now. They are talking about marriage. Now, she knows very well that he is not the one that she wants as a husband but she is reluctant to let go and find another one. Why? she thinks she doesn’t have time and maybe no luck to find another one. PLUS she cannot handle the loneliness, she thinks that if she broke up with him she would be left alone with no friends. Sigh… ( I am holding this in…!!! Patient)

Miss C, she has just broken up with her younger bf yesterday. (7 years younger) They were together for 6 momths. The reason was that she wants marriage and children and he doesn’t wnt it because he is too young. Miss C thinks marriage is the end of the story where two people live happily ever after. So when she found out that he couldnt give her that she broke up with him. and trust me, she will find another guy with the same aim --> get maried and have kids and live happily ever after!

Now, tell mw what is wrong with these people?! Sigh…I am tired! :? :? :?

#2

[quote=“Stef”] Okay, let’s start with Miss A, she has been with her bf for 3 months, her bf …(how should i put it…) is different. He is an IT engineer and my friend works in the hotel as a guest relation officer. This bf of hers keeps telling her that her job is worthless. And he warns her everytime that she should not dispose her occupation to his friends if she bumped into them. He said that he is ashame of her occupation. (What is wrong with being GRO? If i were her i would stick my middle finger at him and ask him to f off!!!)
Ahem! Back to my friend. The most ridiculous thing is that she obeys him and keeps quiet about his behaviour towards her job! Come on, i honestly do not see any problems or whatsoever. Oh, they rarely go out on a date because this so called bf of her thinks it is cheaper to stay home, cook at home, and rent movie to watch at home. So they rarely go out at all. Grrr… oH! He even aked her to put on make up because she looks ugly!:?[/quote] This is what I called Power of Love… that is why ur Miss A just follow instruction because she love him too deeply…

[quote=“Stef”]Miss B, she has been with her bf for a few years now. They are talking about marriage. Now, she knows very well that he is not the one that she wants as a husband but she is reluctant to let go and find another one. Why? she thinks she doesn’t have time and maybe no luck to find another one. PLUS she cannot handle the loneliness, she thinks that if she broke up with him she would be left alone with no friends. Sigh… ( I am holding this in…!!! Patient):?[/quote] this is called Wasting time love… ask Miss B to be strong, stand on her feet and leave that guy if he really not her Mr. Right.

[quote=“Stef”]Miss C, she has just broken up with her younger bf yesterday. (7 years younger) They were together for 6 momths. The reason was that she wants marriage and children and he doesn’t wnt it because he is too young. Miss C thinks marriage is the end of the story where two people live happily ever after. So when she found out that he couldnt give her that she broke up with him. and trust me, she will find another guy with the same aim --> get maried and have kids and live happily ever after!:?[/quote] Good luck to Miss C and I am sure out of a millions… sure she can find one who has the same vision as her…

#3

[quote=“smallee”][quote=“Stef”] Okay, let’s start with Miss A, she has been with her bf for 3 months, her bf …(how should i put it…) is different. He is an IT engineer and my friend works in the hotel as a guest relation officer. This bf of hers keeps telling her that her job is worthless. And he warns her everytime that she should not dispose her occupation to his friends if she bumped into them. He said that he is ashame of her occupation. (What is wrong with being GRO? If i were her i would stick my middle finger at him and ask him to f off!!!)
Ahem! Back to my friend. The most ridiculous thing is that she obeys him and keeps quiet about his behaviour towards her job! Come on, i honestly do not see any problems or whatsoever. Oh, they rarely go out on a date because this so called bf of her thinks it is cheaper to stay home, cook at home, and rent movie to watch at home. So they rarely go out at all. Grrr… oH! He even aked her to put on make up because she looks ugly!:?[/quote] This is what I called Power of Love… that is why ur Miss A just follow instruction because she love him too deeply…[/quote]

That is not called power of love la…
it’s “Love is BLIND”

#4

:roll: As much as i love thm, i really think they have got nothing better to do. pah…

Now you could see why I didnt know how to advise them on their problems and dilemmas?

#5

Well, there are times it’s better you don’t meddle. :frowning:

#6

[quote=“Stef”]Okay, let’s start with Miss A, she has been with her bf for 3 months, her bf …(how should i put it…) is different. He is an IT engineer and my friend works in the hotel as a guest relation officer. This bf of hers keeps telling her that her job is worthless. And he warns her everytime that she should not dispose her occupation to his friends if she bumped into them. He said that he is ashame of her occupation. (What is wrong with being GRO? If i were her i would stick my middle finger at him and ask him to f off!!!)

Ahem! Back to my friend. The most ridiculous thing is that she obeys him and keeps quiet about his behaviour towards her job! Come on, i honestly do not see any problems or whatsoever. Oh, they rarely go out on a date because this so called bf of her thinks it is cheaper to stay home, cook at home, and rent movie to watch at home. So they rarely go out at all. Grrr… oH! He even aked her to put on make up because she looks ugly!
[/quote]

Since you know Miss A’s problem, try to help her by “telling” her what is problem and pointing out for her if she can’t. Ask her whether she still willing to continue their relation. Don’t finalised and make decision for her, let her think carefully. Sometimes we don’t know what is really going on in between others relation. She might feel very happy to be with her bf eventhough her bf is not that good to her. Who knows her bf willing to spare his life for her?

Simple, how can this poor guy get marry without his loving woman? Since she got no intention to go further, ask her stop. Hurting someone that love her that much and willing to marry her?? Too selfish!! If the guy knew that she got no intention to marry him and still willing to stay with her, I “salute” that guy!

Well, we pray for her then…

#7

You know? No matter what advice you give these women, they have the same intention - stay with the guy no matter what you tell them. What is the point? I am not going to give any advice, I reckon. Firstly, it is because I do not know what to say and secondly,I have got better things to do.

I will only listen to them should they need to vent out their prpblems. I think all they want is to have people listen to their problems and agree, not to judge/criticise them.

#8

anti-relationship AND anti-freindship?
how can you let freinds down, who ask of your advice/opinions,
re the best or worse decision anyone will ever make,
ie marriage…
so coldly “i’ve got better things to do” :!: :!:

#9

[quote=“Stef”]You know? No matter what advice you give these women, they have the same intention - stay with the guy no matter what you tell them. What is the point? I am not going to give any advice, I reckon. Firstly, it is because I do not know what to say and secondly,I have got better things to do.

I will only listen to them should they need to vent out their prpblems. I think all they want is to have people listen to their problems and agree, not to judge/criticise them.[/quote]

Exactly. I find that is the case too. They’re not out to seek answers, just want to talk about it. :wink:

#10

The Sacrement of Holy Matrimony or better known as marriage is a relationship initiated by God for a MAN and a WOMAN to be join together as one. So, what is relationship? It’s a stated of being related either by kindred, affinity or other alliance.

But the world we lived in today happened to have different view and definition of marriage… the signicant one are those like : 1. Marriage is a state whereby 2 souls being put together to witness each other existence., 2. Marriage is to fullfilled each other gaps… 3. Marriage is the beginning of a life long misery… etc…

The inability to understand the true meaning of marriage have resulted in so many despair and broken vows. Marriage is not just about 2 person getting together and lived happily ever after as in those fairy tales ending. There is more to it, as it is initiated by God, it’s an act of Love between man and woman with another person in the relationship which is God. To put thing simple, Marriage is actually a 3 persons affair. Marriage WILL NOT be in existence without God as we all know that God is Love and Love is God. Come to think of it, without Love, marriage will never survive.

Marriage is also about understanding, commitment, responsibility and willingness to accept one another as who they are and not what they are or how you want them to be. These include the ability to accept their weaknesses, habits and attitude. It’s a lifetime journey. Certainly not a game whereby you can pause and replay kind of stuff. Once you entered into marriage, there is no turning back.

Therefore, ask ourselves, are we ready to be committed? Do we have God in us? How strong is the faith that we have for each other? Do I really understand him/her to the fullest? Am I ready to take on the responsibility as a Husband/Wife and in the future… a Father/Mother? Am I willing to accept him/her as who he/she is? No complaint/regret? Am I prepared to spend the rest of my life with this person? and finally… Are we physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually ready?

As for Miss A, tell her to revisit her relationship history… search for what is missing… respect? love? sadly, there is non. It need 2 hand to clap. It would wise for her to reconsider now before it’s too late.

Miss B, this is funny… why him in the first place if he is not the one?? She better make things clear with that guy otherwise it’s not fair to him. As for loneliness issue, I think Stef you yourself are “perfectly” good at handling this… :wink: … offer her some of your bread… teehehehee…

and for Miss C, people used to say age is not an issue but still, it keep on bugging most of the time. I think it’s useless to force someone into marriage if that person isn’t committed. Relationship needs time and space to grow… how much can you know a person in 6 months? Don’t you think it’s a bit rush?? Say if that guy agreed to get married… I won’t think they’ll sail it true so easily…

Lastly, keep them in your prayers if you think you’re wasting your saliva talking to them and for the first time, I agreed with you that all you need to do is just listen to them… you’ll have your chance to speak when the time come… :wink:

#11

Marriage is a public declaration of love.
or it is not?!
Marriage nowadays is to legalize ur relationship (gf sudah pregnant, so kawin lor)/ getting live long of monies security (apply to pretty girlz only who married older but rich man).
U must b able to live wit ur partner’s bad habit, annoying bzbody in-laws and possible asset sharing.
Some time guyz get married, his frenz said ‘oh-uh, there’s goes ur social dude!’

#12

[quote=“Thyrius”]
Miss B, this is funny… why him in the first place if he is not the one?? She better make things clear with that guy otherwise it’s not fair to him. As for loneliness issue, I think Stef you yourself are “perfectly” good at handling this… :wink: … offer her some of your bread… teehehehee… :[/quote]

What is that supposed to mean? :stuck_out_tongue: Sigh, like I said no matter what I say to them they won’t listen. If I say somthing bad, they will blame me for sabotaging their relationship. If I say something nice, then they will say I do not understand that they are suffering. No matter which way I turn, I am still going to be wrong.

[quote=“Thyrius”]
Lastly, keep them in your prayers if you think you’re wasting your saliva talking to them and for the first time, I agreed with you that all you need to do is just listen to them… you’ll have your chance to speak when the time come… :wink:[/quote]

anti-relationship AND anti-freindship?
how can you let freinds down, who ask of your advice/opinions,
re the best or worse decision anyone will ever make,
ie marriage…
so coldly “i’ve got better things to do”

It is not that I anti my friends nor I think I am wasting my saliva talking to them. It is the fact that they DO want me to listen more than to expect comment from me. They want someone to understand (or at least pretend to understand) what they are going through. :smiley: I care for my friends lah…

#13

Meaning you always sound so goooood at being self independent… so teach her a bit la…

btw, girls are so much typical… when you talk, they want you to listen… and when you listen… they want you to talk… :roll:

#14

Thyrius, are you anti-women? i am just taking a wild guess. :wink:

#15

How could I ever grow to hate women? They’re the loveliest creature on earth… We men just can’t live without them… right dear?

Probably you’ll grow to love me too… one day… don’t you think so?? :wink:

#16

HAAAAA… Right!

#17

Precisely. I usually joke that it’s a lifetime contract - and breech of that contract can get costly.

[quote=“Thyrius”]
btw, girls are so much typical… when you talk, they want you to listen… and when you listen… they want you to talk…[/quote]

I too agree with this. But when it comes to the last part - the ‘want you to talk’ part - they usually want you to sympathize with them rather than give them solutions. Give them solutions, and they’ll get annoyed.

Relationships are very complex, even more so when it is someone else’s and not your own. People tend to leave out important information when they talk to you about their relationship especially to mask their own faults or to prevent being seen as weak so basically you can’t do too much anyway except to give some minor advice unless it was pretty obvious to begin with and intervention is required.

This thread is very entertaining to read. :lol:

#18

[quote=“Stef”]Okay, let’s start with Miss A, she has been with her bf for 3 months, her bf …(how should i put it…) is different. He is an IT engineer and my friend works in the hotel as a guest relation officer. This bf of hers keeps telling her that her job is worthless. And he warns her everytime that she should not dispose her occupation to his friends if she bumped into them. He said that he is ashame of her occupation. (What is wrong with being GRO? If i were her i would stick my middle finger at him and ask him to f off!!!) Ahem! Back to my friend. The most ridiculous thing is that she obeys him and keeps quiet about his behaviour towards her job! Come on, i honestly do not see any problems or whatsoever. Oh, they rarely go out on a date because this so called bf of her thinks it is cheaper to stay home, cook at home, and rent movie to watch at home. So they rarely go out at all. Grrr… oH! He even aked her to put on make up because she looks ugly!

Why is she still with him when he is already so mean towards her? They have only been together for 3 months. It’s still in the honeymoon dating period and he is already ashamed of her and saying she is ugly. If she is ugly, why he still want to be with her? Let her go and get someone she deserves more than this jerk. Oh Stef…u know if she’s my friend she’ll get this from me. Hahaa…coz this jerk is a complete @sshole. Maybe he prefers to do everything at home because he is also ashame to bring her out coz the thinks she is too ugly to be seen with. So cheapskate leh this man. Wah…

Miss B, she has been with her bf for a few years now. They are talking about marriage. Now, she knows very well that he is not the one that she wants as a husband but she is reluctant to let go and find another one. Why? she thinks she doesn’t have time and maybe no luck to find another one. PLUS she cannot handle the loneliness, she thinks that if she broke up with him she would be left alone with no friends. Sigh… ( I am holding this in…!!! Patient)

OK…this ones ah…she better let the guy go lor coz deep down, she knows so well he is not the 1 she wants to spend the rest of her life with. The guy loves her so much…willing to make life-time commitment with her. If she just hold on to him because all of that you’ve said about her…then she is selfish. She won’t be happy even if she just go ahead with the marriage thing. She should let him go find someone who loves him back and she too will find someone whom she loves enough to get married with. It’s a life-time commitment. Not children playing sand lah.

Miss C, she has just broken up with her younger bf yesterday. (7 years younger) They were together for 6 momths. The reason was that she wants marriage and children and he doesn’t wnt it because he is too young. Miss C thinks marriage is the end of the story where two people live happily ever after. So when she found out that he couldnt give her that she broke up with him. and trust me, she will find another guy with the same aim --> get maried and have kids and live happily ever after![/quote]

Yes. Yes. The right guy is out there somewhere searching for her. She’ll find her MR.RIGHT one day and she’ll be able to fulfill her dreams…I’m a very good example. 1st thing, just hv to learn to let go. Then, the right ones will come to you…destiny. It’s all destiny!

#19

[quote=“ValerieG”]
I’m a very good example. 1st thing, just hv to learn to let go. Then, the right ones will come to you…destiny. It’s all destiny![/quote]

:smiley: Sweet!!! I got mine too :smiley:

#20

[quote=“ryabren”][quote=“ValerieG”]
I’m a very good example. 1st thing, just hv to learn to let go. Then, the right ones will come to you…destiny. It’s all destiny![/quote]

:smiley: Sweet!!! I got mine too :D[/quote]

Good for you too, ryabren. It’s not easy for 2 human beings to meet each other and got married and spend the rest of our lives with our other half. Must treasure and cherish every moment of it. Always remember the wedding vows we made to our spouse. Do not take him/her for granted. I believe your wife is one lucky woman to have you in her life. :lol: :lol: Sorry if I’m out of topic here. Hehehehe…just want to let everyone knows that our other half is always out there searching for his/her other half. When the right time comes, you’ll meet no matter where you are.

As for hard to let go of a very unfruitful relationship, well…just have to let go. Can’t just hold on to it just because one is scared of loneliness. Of course the parting is hard but time heals all wounds.

Stef, I’m sure your friend Miss B have family and friends who loves her. So, she won’t be alone. Good luck to her.