12 short jokes

Again, this is from a fwd mail. :stuck_out_tongue:

  1. Newly wed girl told mom her husband is still a virgin.
    Mom asked ‘How do you know?’
    Girl replied ‘Last night when we made love, his ■■■■ was still in
    plastic cover.’

(2) Bangladesh Worker: ‘Sir, me no come to work, me sick.’
Boss: ’ When I am sick, I have sex with my wife - try it.’
2 hours later Bangladesh Worker: ‘Boss! It worked! Me ok now. You got
nice house.’

(3) After sex, Thai girl kept fondling man’s ■■■■.
Man asked: ‘Why? Want to have sex again?’
Thai Girl replied: ‘No lah, just admiring your ■■■■. I used to have one
before.’

(4) Women’s lives are hard. Morning wash clothes. Noon hang clothes.
Evening keep clothes. Nite iron clothes.
Midnight take off clothes. After midnight find clothes.

(5) To make it straight she pulls it. To make it stand she rubs it.
To make it stiff she licks it. To let it in she pushes it. True?
Threading a needle is not easy.

(6) Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass:
‘Anyone got a ■■■■?’ All men rose.
‘I meant anyone seen a ■■■■?’ All women rose.
‘I mean anyone seen my ■■■■?’ All nuns rose.

(7) A Sad story. A woman’s husband died & she had him cremated.
She then blew his ashes into the ocean and said
’ Sweetheart, this is my last blowjob for you.’

(8) Girl: ‘Mom what is a penis?’
Mom: ‘When you become a good girl you will get one.’
Girl: ‘But mom what if I am not a good girl?’
Mom: ‘Then you will get many!’

(9) A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary:
‘If I give you $3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?’
Secretary: ‘Everything sir! Dress, Bra and Panties.’

(10) Schoolgirl: ‘I do not want to take the sex Education class.’
Teacher: ‘Why?’
Schoolgirl: ‘Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral.’

(11) Two sperms talking on mobile.
Ist: ‘I’m somewhere between the fallopian tube and uterus. Are you close
by?’
2nd: ‘No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing the
tonsils.’

(12) Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world is
a PENIS. This is because it can be lifted up even by a simple thought

This Is damn funny

Failure is not when ur girlfriend leaves you…
It’s only when u leave her a virgin.

Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When U r Not responsible 4 both!

The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of Sperm when mating. Only
10% enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted
Salty?!

Why is it that a girl looks down when u say I love u? To see if u
really mean it!

Why is sex similar to shaving?
Well, because no matter how well u do it today,
tomorrow u have to do it again.

Wives are funny creatures. They don’t have sex with their husbands for
weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.

Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-olympic sex .
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 Years.

The stock markets now are like an old man’s dick?
Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still getting ■■■■■■!

This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan: We stare
because we care!

The saddest part of a Man’s body is his Balls.
The Lord Almighty sentenced them to: Hang Till Death !

A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.
He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn’t you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.

What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result
of standing ■■■■.

If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
Tit-Bits.
And if it bursts in a man’s underwear?
Banana split.

What’s the diff between a bomb n a condom?
In a bomb blast population decreases & if a condom blasts population increases.